And, then, I had a Near Death Experience (NDE). I died multiple times after giving a speech in St. Louis due to an allergic reaction to an antibiotic (oh yes, I had a broken ankle and septic leg as a result of Gavin Newsom’s bachelor party – that’s a story for a different time). As I was reading Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” in my hospital room, I came to realize that I was in a prison of my own making and that this NDE was a form of divine intervention. It was time to let go of the suffering and stop despairing while simultaneously exploring where the meaning was in all of this. Despair = Suffering – Meaning.
Our painful life lessons are the raw material for our future wisdom. I don’t know about you, but the scar tissue on my heart has taught me more about life than having the accolades and awards. And, so many of these lessons have required me to deconstruct who I thought I was. Seeing more than 5,000 people go through MEA, I’ve come to realize that it’s less of a deconstruction project and more of an evolution…at least when one is properly guided through this midlife obstacle course.
The fundamental task of adolescence is the formation of an identity. It’s not without its pain and suffering, but this teenage crucible is what forges the young adult. I now believe that the fundamental task of middlescence (midlife) is the deconstruction (or better yet, the evolution) of that identity primarily as our primary operating system moves from our ego to the soul. Looking back at 2008 when my life was falling apart, I’ve come to realize in hindsight that it was mostly my ego that was falling apart.
Author Jett Psaris writes, “Rather than an opponent of the soul on the battlefield of life, the ego has been a reflection all along of the more spontaneous, authentic possibility of who we can be when we are soul-centered; in fact, the ego is the soul in a primitive, undeveloped state…”
The ego and the soul, she says, “share the same existence, just as coal and diamonds are both pure carbon. But coal must go through a tremendous transformation, during which time it is subjected to high temperatures and incredible pressure, before its atomic structure is reordered into the pattern of the crystal that we know as a diamond.”
She goes on to liken this process to how the tremendous stress placed on our egos, facilitated by our midlife experiences, transforms it into something new and brilliant: the soul…And so that midlife shift in our operating system “depends on our ability to allow the soul to evolve beyond the ego structure encasing it.” A snake molts when it needs to grow. A human sheds it ego when it needs to grow in midlife.
And, after this metamorphosis is complete, we are so much wiser (and lighter) for it. Trust me on that. I know you may be going through a lot of pain right now, but you will be so much wiser as a result. Wisdom is the residue of pain.
-Chip