Birth to Ten Years: 1951 – 1961
The First Root Chakra: Muladhara means Base of Support at the base of the spine. These chakra qualities are grounding, stability, security and support.
My earliest memory: I am 4- 5 years old, sitting on Grandpa Winn’s lap. He is teaching me to tie my shoes. I feel secure and loved. I start school. I feel different from other children. I want to stay home and play. I hate school. I have a dark secret…I like other boys. My grounding base of support are my parents, sister, cousins, aunts and uncles. I feel seen and loved.
As a child what were your fears?
Ten to Twenty Years: 1961 – 1971
The Second Sacral Chakra: Svadhistana means Inner Dwelling Place at the reproductive organs. These chakra qualities are fluidity, receptivity, creativity and pleasure.
I am drawn to God, even at ten years old. I still think I may be the only boy growing into a young man who is attracted to the same sex. I have a girlfriend, we have sex. At the end of this decade, I discover my full sexual expression with another man. I am 18 years old. It is indeed an inner dwelling place.
What were your first sexual experiences and how did they impact you?
Twenty to Thirty Years: 1971 – 1981
The Third Solar Plexus Chakra: Manipura means City of Gems at the solar plexus, our core. The chakra qualities are vitality, determination, conscious action and divine will.
College graduation arrives. In West Berlin, I enter the world stage as a performer, full of vitality and determination. A vagabond, I travel seven years, Germany, England and the west coast of the U.S. A contract is canceled at a Nevada casino, the owner’s girlfriend suspects my homosexuality. I don’t even know her. I retreat deeper into the closet.
When have you felt the power of your gut?
Thirty to Forty Years: 1981 – 1991
The Fourth Heart Chakra: Anahata means Unstruck/Unhurt at the heart center. These chakra qualities are love, compassion, empathy and forgiveness.
I learn lessons of the heart: self-love, self-compassion, empathy, forgiveness and ultimately self-acceptance.
My sales and executive career flourishes. My life feels compartmentalized: a kind of don’t ask/don’t tell existence. I come roaring out of the closet in 1988 as another anti-gay ballot measure lands on the Oregon ballot.
When has your heart been broken? How did you grow?
Forty to Fifty Years: 1991 – 2001
The Fifth Throat Chakra: Vishuddha means Purification at the throat center. These chakra qualities are communication, expansion, discernment and purification.
AIDS purifies my spirit. It is work for my soul. This pandemic is way beyond the effects of my personality. I explore my own internalized anger and homophobia. My partner dies of AIDS. It is 1993.
In 1994, I meet Richard: hard-working, passionate, fun, loyal, kind, generous, opinionated, a natural leader, curious. I could not have recognized these qualities in Richard unless I owned them in myself. 27 years and we are still growing.
When and how did you find your authentic voice?
Fifty to Sixty Years: 2001 – 2011
The Sixth, Third Eye Chakra: Ajna means Wisdom between the brows. These chakra qualities are intuition, wisdom, clarity and vision.
I am connecting with my wisdom body. Aware of my internal guidance system, my intuition, mental clarity and vision are the benefits. I begin performing again. I approach life with a fearless attitude. I put myself back on stages. I am aware life is expressing through me. I just have to get out of the way.
When do you completely lose track of time?
Sixty to Seventy Years: 2011 – 2021
The Seventh Crown Chakra: Sahasrara means Infinite at the crown of the head. These chakra qualities are freedom, unity, lightness and joy.
I trust my own life experience to answer the questions I seek. I continue to be conscious of the choices I make. Every choice has a consequence. How do I take what I read, write, study, feel and absorb and apply to my life?
Seventy plus:
My life has been an outworking of my thoughts. What if I could truly grasp “the other person represents a part of me?” Would I be more kind? More attentive? More forgiving? More compassionate? Less judging?
To read a longer version of this essay go to rockyblumhagen.com/blog
Rocky is a Stanford DCI Fellow/Partner, class of 2019. Yoga teacher, student of life with a focus on the integration of body, mind and spirit.