(And, very important new note: my urologic oncologist called me midday yesterday to say that the data he gave me was twenty years old and researched some new data that says my chances of dying in the next ten years is far less than he’d originally told me…what a relief, but I’m still at stage-3 and will likely have to do more radiation.)
My friend Laura Carstensen who founded Stanford’s Center on Longevity has shown in her research that when people perceive their time as more limited, they prioritize emotional meaningful experiences and relationships over the acquisition of new information or expanding social circles. This Socioemotional Selectivity Theory (SST) suggests that, when time is fleeting, we don’t focus on the past or future as much as the present moment and this creates a deeper contentment.
When a doctor starts talking about your likelihood of surviving another ten years, it’s easy to spiral out of control. On Tuesday, my legs got wobbly. I felt a little sick to my stomach and, frankly, a little scared. Wow, I don’t want this rollercoaster of a life to end much sooner than I’d planned.
But, within 24 hours of getting the news that my stage-3 cancer was a more virulent strain than we’d thought (but there’s no evidence that I’m close to stage-4 yet), I had a conversation with one of our wise MEA facilitators, Laurie Hofmann, whose husband was suddenly diagnosed with stage-4 pancreatic cancer, a far more serious health situation than mine.
She told me that a recent trip to Ecuador had helped her to find her raison d’etre: “bring it all, give it all, leave it all.” Come prepared with all my capacities, hold nothing back, walk away with no regrets. As Laurie says, “Take my last breath feeling spent and satisfied.” It works on the playing field, on the stage, in life. I have no idea how many years I have left, but my doctor’s assessment of my likelihood I’ll live another ten years is sobering. This dose of statistical reality which I’m taking with a grain of salt does influence how I will show up. Or, as Ken Wilbur says about our maturing path of adults, we’re supposed to “Wake Up, Grow Up, Clean Up, and Show Up.”
I look forward to leading a workshop here in Santa Fe starting Tuesday (Join the Radiant Rebellion and Reclaim Aging) with the inspiring Karen Walrond. There are still a few spaces left if you want to join me as we bring it all, give it all, and leave it all with love, faith and intention. Thanks for all your support! I’m going to do everything I can to live into my 90s and beyond.
-Chip