Around the time I turned 40, I noticed a shift in conversations among friends my age. There was a growing sense of dread about entering midlife. While I wasn’t entirely happy with some aspects of my life, I didn’t feel that turning 40 meant life was over. I saw it as an opportunity for reflection and transformation.
The prevailing narrative was that our best years were behind us. If we hadn’t achieved certain milestones by 40, there was a sense that we might never reach them. Relationship status was another pressure point. I often heard, “If you’re still single at that age, something must be wrong with you,” which only fueled self-doubt for many.
But instead of buying into these societal scripts, I chose to chart my path. I realized these expectations—about career, relationships, or life achievements—were often arbitrary.
Midlife wasn’t the end of opportunity but an invitation to reassess, redefine, and reclaim my narrative.
Recently, I read research from Yale psychologist Becca Levy, who found that changing one’s mindset about aging can add an average of seven and a half years to your life. This was profound. If we view aging as a decline, we experience it that way. But if we see it as an opportunity for growth, we can improve our quality of life and its length.
So, what does it mean to change one’s mindset about aging?
It involved embracing where I was rather than lamenting where I thought I should be. I stopped comparing myself to others or societal timelines and focused on what felt meaningful.
Changing my mindset also meant letting go of the “shoulds” that dominated my thinking: I should have a family, be at a specific career juncture, own a home, or be more settled. I realized these were external pressures unrelated to my happiness. Instead, I asked: What do I truly want from this stage of life? What would make life feel meaningful to me at this juncture?
Redefining my 40s wasn’t easy, but it was empowering.
I leaned into what mattered—my creative work, relationships, and personal growth. Midlife wasn’t a time of decline but of deepening. I began to value the wisdom and perspective that come with age and the freedom to live on my terms.
Here are a few steps that helped me embrace this phase with intention:
- Redefine success: Focus on what feels meaningful to you, not what society deems necessary. Reflect on your values and set goals based on them.
- Embrace a growth mindset: See aging as an opportunity to learn and grow. Pursue interests or skills you didn’t have time for earlier in life.
- Be intentional: Conduct a life audit to assess what’s working and where changes are needed. Focus on small, consistent steps toward your vision.
- Cultivate self-compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate midlife. Release the pressure to meet certain expectations and forgive past mistakes.
By reframing midlife as a time of possibility, we can tap into our wisdom, live more intentionally, and embrace the next chapter with excitement and purpose.
-Christina
Christina Vo is an MEA alum and the author of My Vietnam, Your Vietnam, and The Veil Between Two Worlds, which explore themes of grief, healing, and identity. She resides in Santa Fe and works in donor relations at Stanford University.