When I launched my first book, Closer Together, in Vancouver this spring, my friend Dr. Gabor Maté began our conversation on stage by asking, “Sophie, is this book your love letter to the world?”
His question moved me to tears, as if he had seen right through me. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so surprised, he did know a little bit about my story…
My early years were spent close to nature, with caring parents. As an only child, I connected with the outdoors in a way that felt magical and supportive. It calmed and nourished me in ways I couldn’t fully grasp at that young age.
When I was four, we moved to the city and my inner and outer worlds transformed. Though I was still under the care of loving parents, life became more stressful. I struggled to adapt to my new environment while navigating the turbulent waters of my parents’ fractured relationship. I believed that if I couldn’t save them, it was my fault; I just wasn’t a good enough child.
I wore that cape of guilt for a very long time. There were addiction and mental health issues on both sides of my family. Not knowing what to do with my pain, I internalized messages of low self-worth. Though adventurous, warm, funny, intrepid, and intelligent, I became hypervigilant, masking my insecurity and compensating for my lack of emotional safety.
Unfinished and unexamined emotional business often ends up as debris in our minds, and mine was definitely cluttered. Food became my drug of choice to numb the pain and gain a sense of control. As a teenager, I was physically hungry, of course, but more importantly, I was emotionally starved. Dr. Maté’s work taught me that most addictions stem from a lack of proper emotional nourishment. Trauma isn’t just something bad that happened (which takes place all too often to our children), it’s also what didn’t take place emotionally but should have.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned over the years is echoed by Psychologist Rose-Marie Charest who told me, “The more fragile we are, the more intolerant we are of difference. It’s true in families and it’s true in society…. The most unhappy people I have seen are the ones who can’t trust anymore. When you can’t trust anyone, you are bound for loneliness.”
(Closer Together, p.169)
This is why emotional leadership – the capacity to observe, understand and manage our emotions – is the central axis of my book. It’s our universal common denominator, expressed differently for each of us based on our childhood bonds of attachment, life experiences, and willingness to look within.
I believe that within the darkness of uncertainty and pain shines an inner light, guiding us toward our innate wholeness and goodness. In the messiness of life, this light might seem to be invisible, but if we look deep enough, we find it. When we do, we realize it was there all along, waiting to welcome us back home.
I’ve come to understand that as your emotional biography sets the musical scale of your life, your unwounded soul writes the ultimate, final symphony. This has been my journey, and it’s the core message of my book.
Dr. Maté was right. Closer Together is truly a love letter to the world and to my own imperfect life. Blending autobiography and the insights of experts, I hope that readers will gain self-knowledge, find a compassionate embrace of all that’s hurting within them, and discover the healing that’s possible through understanding ourselves and loving each other.
I can’t wait to hear how it resonates with you!
In profound solidarity,
Sophie
Sophie Grégoire Trudeau is an avid life lover, an intrepid and mischievous outdoorswoman, a mother of 3 kids, a mental health advocate, a best selling author, a speaker, a television host and a yoga teacher. Emotional leadership is at the core of her work, passion and purpose.