I launched CIRKEL in 2018 as a platform to correct this problem and invite professionals of all five working generations to connect with each other in fun and impactful ways. From parties to conferences to 1-on-1 curated introductions, the connections we’ve facilitated continue to nurture the lives of our members. Seeing so many meaningful friendships and two-way mentorships take shape, I started noticing a pattern. While there’s no one-size-fits-all formula to intergenerational friendship, here’s at least one format to get you started. And who knows, your surface-level friendships could become career-defining collaborations!
1. Connect – find opportunities to cross paths across generations
Our social lives and work lives are increasingly siloed by age, so the first step is to simply put yourself in environments where you can meet people who are older or younger than you. I feel lucky that I spent five out of my ten post-college years living with my parents, so I got a convenient opportunity to share ideas with them daily. That said, for a year after I moved out I made an effort to reach out to one person each week who was smarter than me in some area that I wanted to learn more about. It takes a little initiative, but more often than not you’ll get a welcome response on the other end of the email or text!
2. Understand – ask questions and go beyond the surface
For those of us who may regularly engage with individuals who are older or younger than them: do you make an effort to get to know those people on a deeper level? Do you ask questions that have meaning for you? Do you allow your curiosity to be seen in plain view? It’s important to find channels of common interest as an entrée into someone’s experience. If you both love movies, don’t just talk about the latest titles. Ask which films changed their view on the world. If someone has a large family, don’t just ask what their kids’ names are – ask for advice on your own partnership or dealing with balancing work and life. The personal topics are sometimes the ones we shy away from, but they can be the most powerful sparks for a life-changing conversation. And don’t forget: the relationship works both ways. Challenge yourself to share details from your own life and experience too. It creates a safe environment for vulnerability and building trust.
3. Value – reframe your networks by assigning value to your intergenerational connections
Once we have a few key friends or colleagues in our lives, it’s easier to understand what people from all walks of life bring to the table. As you go deeper in these connections, you will uncover surprising things about each person; a topic they have read about extensively, a challenging personal experience they’ve navigated successfully; a skill they’ve harnessed… You may start to realize that the questions you typically ask your parents or BFFs may be misdirected. Why not ask someone from your new intergenerational network for advice? And vice versa, what are the things that you have conquered or experienced in your own life that might be useful to someone else? The more we get to know each other across ages, the more generous we can be with how we offer support. In doing so, we understand the value that each generation brings to the table. Everyone has something to offer – it just needs to be directed to the right person.
4. Collaborate – coming together to create something new
In our CIRKEL matches, the most “successful” introductions lead to the members collaborating on a project (a personal project or something for work). In my mind, this is the most natural culmination of the “connect,” “understand,” and “value” framework. It demonstrates how each generation has its strengths, and while different from other generations’ strengths, we can be stronger together. It’s an opportunity to bring together two people with diverse skills and sets of experiences to fill in each other’s gaps and innovate on something fresh and new. The sum becomes greater than the two parts. If you’re ever struggling to finish a project, keep in mind that you might just need a little help from an intergenerational friend with a different perspective.
I’m curious to hear if you’ve ever experienced this particular journey from connecting with someone to eventually becoming collaborators. Some of the biggest names of our time like Lady Gaga and Tony Benett, or more recently Harry Styles and Shania Twain are going well beyond intergenerational acquaintanceship to becoming true collaborators. It all just starts with a first meeting with a dash of curiosity and a heaping of trust.
If you want to explore more tools for connecting with other generations for success in life and work, check out our upcoming session, Intergenerational Wisdom: Serving Each Other led by Charlotte Japp, Chip Conley, Nim de Swardt, and Jeff Hamaoui.
Charlotte Japp is the founder of CIRKEL, a platform for connecting professionals across ages for mutual personal and professional growth.