Love is essentially self-communicative. Those who do not have it catch it from those who have it. True love is unconquerable and irresistible and it goes on gathering power and spreading itself until eventually it transforms everyone who it touches.” This wisdom is so instructive during the latter part of the retreat when we’re imagining how to send loving kindness and compassion to the most difficult people in our lives.
During one of these meditations, I went into an altered state, completely losing track of time- and self-consciousness. I felt no separation and only boundless love for this person in my life who has created so much suffering for us both. The forty-five minutes evaporate, and, all of a sudden, without knowing it, I’m feasting on sesame noodles in the dining room, savoring every bite. Vanda, having a keen joy-sensor, chooses to sit straight across from me. I can hardly contain my exuberant smile and childlike glee. And, I feel such gratitude for this path she’d led me on.
I came here worried about the isolation of the silence and, yet, I heard the roar of life when the clutter dissipated. My internal world usually feels like a sprinting labyrinth. After nearly a week of silence and contemplation, I feel the vastness inside of me and it matches a vastness and fondness I feel for the world outside of me. So easy to fall in love when you are truly experiencing being alive.
On a good week, I might normally meditate one to two hours (although it’s usually close to zero if I’m not on an airplane). By the end of my seven days in retreat, I had meditated between fifty and sixty hours. That may sound impossible to you, but just realize that’s how many hours you may work in an average week. (It’s important for me to pull my covers and say that I was unable to completely unplug for the entire week and did check email on my iPhone. But, I can say that I spent only about 30 minutes doing so, which was real progress for me.)
Your stylus gets dull and imprecise when it’s overused. I remember as a kid I tried to listen to one of my favorite records on my grandparents’ record player. I started crying when I heard the static-y racket coming out of their machine. What happened to my beautiful Jackson Five album? Then, I learned that a new stylus made all the difference in the quality of the sound. Metta meditation is like changing your stylus so that the beauty of the music in the grooves can be released. Too much static in your life? Maybe it’s time to change your stylus.
During one of our final meditation sessions, all of the teachers were doing one-on-one interviews with students so one of our 100 students was fortunate enough to lead the group in a forty-five minute sit. It was the woman I had judged during my first meal. As I watched her perch herself in front of the group, I could feel her steady intent to create a space that allowed us all to sink-in deeply. I had my best meditation session of the week. Afterward, I walked to the front of the room, bowed, and met the gaze of this woman, who now seemed to me Amazon-like. Her translucent blue eyes radiated warmth and love and quite simply brought me to tears.
-Chip
P.S. Happy Thanksgiving! Would you like to experience a silent meditation retreat in Santa Fe? We’re developing a 5-night workshop dedicated to honoring the sounds of silence in 2025 with me, Saul Kuperstein, Lee Johnson, and Teddi Dean all part of this special week. Since this workshop doesn’t appear on our website yet, feel free to email [email protected] if you want us to alert you when that workshop will be available for enrollment.