Of course, in this age of finding and living your passion, it’s getting harder to tell whether someone is actually a workaholic or whether they’re just living their calling.
To distinguish the difference, you can’t just rely on external appearances anymore. Instead, you must look within the person (or yourself). Let’s look at both sides of the coin.
When someone is living their calling, they’ve often tapped into some deeper reservoir in themselves (or the collective consciousness) in such a way that their work energizes their soul as opposed to depleting them. This person is living the words of Khalil Gibran, who said, “Work is love made visible.”
It’s almost like “invisible hands” are directing you toward self-actualization and that “in the flow state” where you lose consciousness of the self and all track of time—where moments of inspiration and insight strike throughout the day, and with it, a feeling of passion and, most importantly, peace of mind. Put another way, you have found that moment when you are at one with your calling, and you have developed a certain intimacy with who you are and what your purpose is on this planet. This is far from work.
On the other side of the coin, a workaholic prefers not to experience intimacy in their work. They keep their work at arm’s length, removed from who they are. Like most addictions (let’s call it what it is), they use their work as a means of distraction or separation. We often get intoxicated with something that alters our mood (including work), partly because we feel compelled to run away from emotions or fears that prey upon us.
Scratch the emotional surface of any addict, and underneath you’ll find some common emotions: feelings of unworthiness, being unlovable, shame, and a belief that success can become the magic wand that will turn their life around.
Workaholism is often more about “What are you running from?” instead of “What are you living for?” Those that have tamed their workaholic tendencies have taken Henry David Thoreau’s quote to heart: “The cost of something is measured by how much life you have to give for it.” Reacquainting oneself with what they’re living for and calculating the “opportunity cost” of the addiction is a profound way to help a workaholic wake up to what this addiction is costing them.
Here’s a quick test that can help you distinguish whether you’re living a calling versus being addicted to your work. Look at the following eight statements and pick the four that best describe your relationship with your work.
1. I often feel like the work I’m doing comes from some greater source than just me. It’s like I’m channeling this energy or talent, and I’m amazed by its power.
2. If I’m not working, I still prefer being busy. I find just sitting and doing nothing to be a waste of time, making me a little uncomfortable.
3. I love my work. Nothing else in my life gives me nearly as much self-esteem as doing my job well.
4. While I am passionate about what I do, when I am engaged in activities with others or on vacation, I’m able to give all my attention to that without thinking about my work.
5. I have a pretty distinct end goal for my work. I believe that having a clear, defined goal will more likely help me be successful. And, with that success, will come more professional respect and happiness.
6. Occasionally, I feel compulsive about my work, especially when other things in my life aren’t going all that well. For me, work helps create order in my life, and that makes me feel better.
7. It seems like the deeper I get into my work, the less ego I have about the work. I sort of lose myself and almost feel like I’m trying to recover my sense of the miraculous about life.
8. There’s no way I could do anything else but what I’m doing. If I were doing the average job, I probably wouldn’t be able to apply myself very well at it, and I’m sure I wouldn’t dedicate nearly as many hours.
If you (or someone in your life) chose answers 1, 4, 7, and 8, you scored a perfect 100 percent for having a calling. The other four answers skew more toward someone who may have a workaholic tendency in their work. While this test isn’t scientific, it just gives you a sense of some of the causal factors for a calling versus workaholism.
In my life, I’ve experienced my work in both of these ways. I know that when I attached my sense of identity a little too close to my work that I might be distracting myself from feelings of unworthiness. It wasn’t the number of hours I worked or how bloodshot my eyes were that defined the difference. It was something internal.
In the early days of my first hotel, The Phoenix, friends would ask me, “How’s life, Chip?” I would respond, “The Phoenix is doing well,” even when — as a 26-year-old entrepreneur — I was pretty nervous my company might not make it. One day a friend who wasn’t satisfied with my answer put her hand on my heart and said softly, “Chip, I didn’t ask you how your business is doing. I want to know how you’re feeling.” For most addicts (of any nature), friends and family see our predicament well before we can acknowledge it.
Congrats if you’re living your calling. On the other hand, if you’re exhibiting signs of workaholism, talk about it with close friends or a spouse or partner and ask for their support. And consider signing up for this Workaholics Anonymous Day of Recovery Zoom call on February 27.