I was made to understand
Aging would be the death of me.
Sad, lonely, invisible,
No one offers me sympathy.
Mind a porous colander,
Wandering haunted neighborhoods.
Getting old ain’t for sissies,
I’ll be fully misunderstood.
But autumn has been lovely
Beauty joyfully upsurging.
I’m embracing elderhood
Hopeful about what’s emerging.
Where is the poetry in growing whole, living into the autumn of one’s life? The disadvantages of aging are obvious and extravagantly highlighted in American culture. But, what’s more interesting is the advantages: the accruing wisdom, emotional intelligence, relational connection, spiritual curiosity, the one-of-kindness and nothing-to-hideness. Everyone gets older, but not everyone gets elder. The first just happens (if you’re lucky and healthy). The other you have to earn.
As I’ve mentioned in the past couple of days, I’m marveling at this new white paper about Emerging Elderhood as a new life stage. The authors give due note to Eric Erikson, the first psychologist to create a theory of life stages beyond childhood and adolescence. Erikson believed in the concept of epigenesis—the idea that development happens gradually over time with each stage building upon the gains of the last and becoming increasingly complex. How true that is! We are all of the ages we’ve ever been and will be and that’s why life ripens over time.
But, we’ve added nearly a generation of global longevity since the time Erikson first published his theory 75 years ago. If I were to drive a road map from three-quarters of a century ago, it would miss all kinds of highways, country roads and cul-de-sacs that mark modern midlife and emerging elderhood. And, I wouldn’t even have a digital map to get me to my destination. Remember printing directions from Mapquest? That’s a metaphor for how many people have seen our jumbled, antiquated perspective on aging.
During Erikson’s time, the majority of workers were in the backbreaking industries of agriculture and industrial pursuits. Today, less than 20% of workers are in those industries and knowledge workers predominate and these workers who use their brain, not their biceps, are less likely to retire at 60 or 65. More than 75% of the population lives beyond their 65th birthday. An “emerging elder” worries about a question that didn’t exist in 1950, “Will I outlive my savings?” It’s hard to finance a 30-year retirement with a 40-year career. This is part of the reason why we’re staying in the workplace longer.
The authors of the white paper suggest that, like a youngster, we are full of questions as we enter early elderhood. They write, “The questions individuals may ask at earlier stages of life become more compelling now. “Am I living the life I want to live?” “What and who is most important?” “Do I engage in the kind of relationships that feel fulfilling?” In Emerging Elderhood, an awareness of the end of life is now in sight, and Emerging Elders can actively consider what to do with the time remaining.”
What are some questions that are more relevant to you now that you’re 55-75 than when you were in your 40s?
-Chip