In a New York Times article, some therapists and relationship researchers share six questions that can bring couples closer during this life stage. Rates of “gray divorce” among adults over 50 have doubled in the United States since the 1990s, so take note, my friends. Here are their suggested questions that are meant to open up a thoughtful conversation:
- What is our next chapter? (What are our big hopes and dreams?)
- What are we modeling for our children? (What do we want our children to learn from our relationship? How might that shape their own relationships?)
- How do I contribute to our problems? (You might ask your partner to share one or two ways in which you are difficult or make their lives harder…gulp!)
- What skills have we developed? (Let’s strengthen what’s going well, not just address what needs to be improved – and what drew you together in the first place?)
- Is this relationship worth it? (Am I getting enough in this relationship to make grieving what I don’t get OK with me?)
- Should we get outside help? (A great therapist, or even experiencing an MEA workshop together to share a new language and perspective, can help you focus on all of these questions)
Or, if you want to DIY your relationship transformation, consider asking a few of these 36 questions that academic Arthur Aron has found are the inquiry shortcuts to falling in love.
-Chip
