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We Can’t Ask You About Your Age, But We Can Count Your Wrinkles.


Okay, let’s be clear—ageism is real and serious. And there are relatively-toothless age discrimination laws in the United States. So, it may feel in bad taste to share this New Yorker magazine humorous questionnaire, but, hey, sometimes levity is a welcome way to highlight a problem.

That said, according to this questionnaire, here are a few of the questions that an older worker might have to answer:

1. Where were you when J.F.K. died?

2. What kind of phone did you have as a teenager?

(a) Cell
(b) Trimline push button
(c) Rotary

If you answered (c), stop filling out this questionnaire immediately. We’ll be in touch.

3. If you decide to relive your high-school-athletics glory days by fielding for the company softball team without stretching first, will you need:

(a) Possible medical attention
(b) A Motrin day off
(c) A resulting surgery that pushes the limits of our company’s feeble health care plan

4. Is “Slack” your preferred business-communication platform or an abridged way to describe the Zeitgeist attitude of your twenties?

5. When paying for business lunches, are you willing to use your A.A.R.P. discount?

6. Describe a significant challenge you’ve had to overcome and how an episode of “Oprah” helped you resolve it. (essay)

I would add the following four questions:

7. Which do you use more in your writing at work: “cursive” or “cursor?”

8. Does “duck and cover” have any relationship to a “nuclear family?”

9. Was John-Boy Walton gay? (Extra points: what were the names of the actors of Grandma and Grandpa Walton who were, in fact, gay in real life?)

10. Which Martha do you most relate to and why: Martha Graham, Martha Stewart, Martha Quinn, or Martha Washington?

What humorous questions might you ask to ferret out someone’s age in a job interview?

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